Are you moving in with your current man? Read these tips from New Jersey matchmakers to avoid future arguments with your boyfriend.
Moving in with your boyfriend might seem like the most romantic thing you can imagine. You can finally have your own little nest, spend as much time as possible with each other, and enjoy each other’s company every single evening. Still, many couples find that once they move in together things come crashing down. Dating and relationship experts from New Jersey Singles know it doesn’t have to be like this and they have compiled some insightful tips to help you out.
Love vs. War
No matter how much you love your boyfriend, you will need plenty of time to get used to his habits when you move in together. Going to his house for a night or going on a weekend vacation does not prepare you for sharing a house with him 24/7. There will be times when you will be irritated or vice versa. There will be times when you wish you could leave and retreat to your own place.
There should be discussions about everything that goes on in the house; from your decorating style to your sanitary kitchen practices, and beware, because your styles are bound to clash. That’s not to say you can’t create a nice, warm home together, because you definitely can; you just need to be careful of all the pitfalls of moving in together. Here are a few things from New Jersey Singles that you need to think about when you decide to make the move.
Your Home or His? Or a New Place Completely?
It might be tempting to move into his downtown apartment or have him move into your cozy little cottage, but before you decide to move into one another’s house, you need to consider if it would just be better to get a new place. If you move into his place, you’ll always know it was his place first. He picked the furniture, he established his habits there, and it’s little sanctuary. When you move into someone else’s place, it’s very difficult to adjust. You will no longer be able to find the cheese grater and you will not have the perfect living room spot to sit in. It’s easy to feel like you don’t belong, because at the end of the day, it was their home first.
If you are thinking about moving into his house, consider trying it out for two weeks to see if you like it. Also, try to redecorate the whole place to fit both of your tastes. Make sure you both take time to establish that it is now both of your home.
His Furniture or Yours?
Merging furniture into one house can be very messy. Think about it like this: you guys are creating a new house together, so you must be flexible, (both of you). Be sure your main intention is to create a nice and welcoming home, rather than having your way with everything. This is a couple’s project, so keep your love for each other focused rather than insisting that your furniture is better. If you can’t agree on which one to bring, then arrange to buy something new together (if you can).
Creating rules and boundaries for a new home on the first day sounds boring, right? Well, it is, but it’s also the most important thing you can do to keep the peace. If one of you has an open-door policy for guests and family members, and you don’t mind them staying more than a few days, while the other one sees home as a sanctuary and socializing in it is out of the question, then you must talk about it and work something out. Talk to your partner and see if it’s okay for guests to come over on weekends. Talk about all the boundaries you’ll need to set before moving in together. Can friends stop by in the evenings? Is there a part of the house where guests are not allowed to be? Must guests remove their shoes when entering the house?
Similarly, New Jersey Singles recommends working out who will be in charge of taking out trash, cooking, and cleaning the house. Who is in charge of the cable? The rent/mortgage? The electric? As silly as all these things sound (the things beyond the bills), It is important to talk about all these details, because those silly little details will make your merged life together that much better, a lot less stress. No need to an angry face when you walk in the door and the trash or dishes are piling up, because you’ve already established who is in charge of what chores. Divide the chores equally so both partners have the same amount of chores. If neither of you like doing the chores, then hire a made.
Dating Before & Dating After
Just because you see each other every day and live together, doesn’t mean that is quality time spent with one another. Set aside weekly time to go on date nights, but also set time aside so you can spend it with your own friends. It might sound silly to talk about it, but having that one evening to yourself and others dedicated to your family and friends, will ensure the longevity of your relationship. It also ensures that if the relationship goes down south, you have something else going on in your life other than you relationship. You will not be holding onto something because of this sense of insecurity; you know you have an outside life apart from your relationship. Besides, even if you lead a happy relationship, you’ll still have your own sense of individuality.
What the Future Holds
Moving in together with your boyfriend is a huge step to take. What do you expect will happen next? Getting married? Having children? Or are you just testing the waters to see if you are compatible for each other? What does moving in mean to you? What does it mean to him? If you see it as a stepping stone to getting married and he doesn’t, is it time to rethink the relationship? Likewise, if he wants to have a family and you don’t, is it worth spending your future with him? New Jersey Singles highly recommends figuring out what both of you see in your future before making the commitment to move in together.
Save Yourself the Extra Stress
Take time to plan the moving, always pack in advance, and take a few days off from work to make sure it becomes a happy time for you both instead of a stressful one. You only have one chance of successfully moving in together so make it a joyful and memorable one.
For more dating and relationship tips from New Jersey matchmaking and relationship experts, be sure to connect with New Jersey Singles Dating Service on Facebook & Twitter!